Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Even my vagina gasped.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
