He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
