Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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