Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
