Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
