she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize