Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
