Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
