ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
