this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
