Umm I'm too high to move.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
