please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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