you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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