your parents love me but you hate me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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