Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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