I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
