I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
