My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
