My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
