Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
