You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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