I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How naked do you want me to be?
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