Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂