My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary