I wish I could teleport
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.