my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem