I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company