Where is the hickey?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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