she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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