Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
