$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
