Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
