Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
