apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
