please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
