OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
