im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's Friday. Sex?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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