Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
