okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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