I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
