Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Two words: blizzard sex
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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