he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
