dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
