In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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