The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
