nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize