my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
