Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
