I just made out with a guy for $7.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
