his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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