...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this hospital has no fireball
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
