Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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