Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
