So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
