she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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