Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
