When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
