i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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