people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
