I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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