How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
