Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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