i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
