all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
