youre lurking in front of me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
