I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize