we have officially lost it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
