Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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