I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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