I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
