we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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