i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
