Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
