K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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