I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
