there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
